I wanted to capture the moments of my weekend and was going to do an entirely new post but I just wrote an email to my dear Carey last night and think this email captures everything I would say here so here it goes...I'll just remove the full name of the participants, and edit some of the parts and attach all the pictures I'm referencing.
The expressive arts weekend...I dont know how well i can summarize it but i will try. Got to albany fine (bus actually arrived early to albany...slight annoyance with one person who was talking excessively on their cell phone but it wasnt a crowded bus at all which is good). Got to my hotel and was exactly what i needed...stove, microwave, fridge, comfortable bed..it was like the best home away from home.
I woke up and went downstairs for the continental breakfast and my eating choice wasnt terrible but it wasnt the best (sausage and egg breakfast, fruit, cereal). I brought my food upstairs. With two hours to spare i said I want to begin this day in the word of the Lord because its because of him that i am here.So after asking the Lord to direct me i didnt hear anything in particular .I went to one of my fav books..Ephesians...the first item i read in the content section said "Every once in a while God grants his people a rare glimpse of their place in the grand scheme of his story...a brief moment where they can assess who they are, where they come from, and where they are going......" This resonated so deeply with me...it was such the words i needed so i just started going through the scriptures that touched me 1:3. 1:9, 1:19, 3: 16, 3:30, 4:1, and 5:16 and ended up drawing a small doodle in my visual arts journal. When I opened the pages I realized I havent picked up this journal since July 2nd where i wanted to start a daily journal art practice but that didnt happen. The doodle was 4 different roads that intersected . a small orange bowl with circles and a book at the top of the roads with a cross . The book said "Sermon of the Lord." The bowl caption I wrote "delicious freedom that I cant help but smile when i think about it." On of the roads caption say "exploration...you dont have to pick one." Another road "opportunity of life" and the last road said "Just listen to God's spirit and prompting and be guarded with your shield." Can we saw wow? What a way to start this wonderful morning. A sermon to my soul:)
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| Doodle after reading the word before I went to the training |
The hotel had this refreshing lemon sage body wash by Paul Mitchell. NEW fav fragance. Its so energizing. Not even a scent that i normally would like...discovery:)
I was going to walk to the studio since i heard it wasnt far but i said, "steph dont get lost on your first day." lol! I took a shuttle and someone else was coming so i said hello and this same woman (L)said she had this place to go but she was afraid of getting lost to this place she needed to go. I said would you be going to the expressive arts training and she said yes. she literally just found this on the Internet a month ago..how led she felt. I was so taken back (her story is so similar). As the hotel shuttle made its to the studio. The first thing that i saw was the doorway sign from when i visited last summer. I was where i needed to be.
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| Doorway Sign of the Training studio |
As we arrived at the studio we met a few other girls. As everyone came in we made our introductions (in all its 7 or 8 of us. The director instructed us to walk through this doorway veil made out of ribbons. Our instruction is to say a word as we enter the doorway and give each person some time to walk through the door. Intent! I love it. Once we walked through the veil we needed to write the word down on a piece of paper. The word needed to be what we need or looking for..My word is discovery. Then we had to pick an object that catches our eye and cast it into a circle with a candle and a plant with a poem written by our second instructor (R) who wasnt there (she lives in brooklyn and her house was completely flooded by sandy). so sad..
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| Object I selected that drew me when i first entered the space |
The director (d) went over housekeeping items..we are required to maintain an art journal, establish an art practice, access to support or therapy. D couldnt get the speakerphone working so we could talk to the other facilitator but it ended up being perfect..it was like our own connection with her.
We had an icebreaker session where we had to interview the person next to us (we are sitting on pillows) for 15 mins. i was thinking oh lord i cant talk to someone new for that long. That is exactly what i told her (F). F is like im a talker. im like what a good balance. OMG! she is awesome. She's from long island, i think shes younger than me..by a few years, an art teacher, drawing since she was little...amazing spirit..one of these people that you walk away and is like what a cool person.dresses artsy with small thing from the 60s and 70s. 15 min was up and im like man..... i enjoyed talking to her. lol. so we got into expressive arts..terminology and the different modalities of expressive art (art making, movement, sound, poems, etc). we did some free writing and went into movement. ummm...first day i ran into what we call our edge with this movement. Im not comfortable with my body when moving..i dont enjoy dancing because im pretty awkward so im like of course this is what we are doing first. what i didnt know is this is what i needed first day in...steph you need to get out of your comfort zone..this is something you have been working on for the past two year. I think how funny it is when i get to my edge and how sometimes i push past it and enjoy it and other times..im like you've reached a brick wall..please leave a message.
I was like oh boy.. brick wall.so there was this group movement piece where D instructed we followed where im like im at my edge and i see myself poking my head out the window. not enjoying but then there was this thing where everyone had to go around touching people (moving your body in a certain way..i cant describe it). But as each person came to me. i was like oh no, not again. you are invading my personal place..let me pretend i am having fun though ima bout authenticity. i was not happy because i just met this women..seems like more of a second day thing.So immediately my defenses went up and the smile i had was gone. there was only two of us who had not gone around the circle and the other lady was like is this required? D responded it was a training...so i sucked it up and did it but totally was not feeling it. edge hit....steph no likey:) so d was like i wanted to explore this movement area more but i think we are not ready yet since some people are not comfortable with this modality yet. i was not.
We went to this visual arts modality where we had to complete a community mural which seemed interesting but i was still hardened over this movement piece so even as i sat down i wasnt receptive...so she said draw with your non dominant hand...grrr...what!!! she continues draw nothing specific just draw a line or circle or an 8.steph grimace continued but soon i got into it..it was like a kid abandonment just having fun doodling..then she said move to the right after 10 minutes. screech....excuse me so now we are drawing on others peoples art work and im like "thats mine". Yes completely digressed to a 4 year old. lol. so we did this cycle like 6 xs and i was fine with it after the 3rd time but finally we could stay where we are or move..i stayed where i am (planted ..lol). Its funny while im in a zone i dont event know what things look like (oh and this point you can smear the oil pastels ..make more visible things). Unknowing to me mine almost reminded me of a fire. we did this processing on a sheet of paper of words that came up as we draw..omg..i loved this and will start doing that. we took our piece into another part of the space and she talked to us about sound and people made a sound in response to a painting..before we knew it was like an orchestra.it was amazing..again i was like thats my edge again but that i was willing to push through. At the end of the day i had a headache..it was alot of processing, new things, things going on in my head. I came back to my hotel room and drew, ate, and slept.
Then we went into the room with our painting and was supposed to do a movement in response to pieces of the painting....omg! it was amazing..its like exploration i never done as a kid..almost like pretend and before we knew it is like we started holding hands and made an instrumental song..it was like celebrating our piece. ive never felt soooo attached to a piece of work. I could have cried. people were talking about the emotionality of the piece and how its like one of us(the group had bonded so well). then someone said to burn it because we are no longer those people from yesterday ..we had a wonderful celebration of its life. Im never vocal in these situations but had this rage of why would we want to destroy something we birthed. There were two sides regarding what to do with our community mural: keep it as a time capasle vs others who talked about burning it, tearing it into pieces, or sending it down some pond. More discussion the next day and we decided to wait until we return in feb and decide what to do with it. second day i left feeling freer..more relaxed..more overwhelmed because i could feel the undercurrents of this work early on. oh and during the second session we also found out each of us has to facilitate an activity between now and our final training in april (3 people went that weekend. I signed up in april). i was terrified..most people in the room are therapists, art teachers, or this kid who just graduated from an expressive art program. im like im the only one who hasnt facilited.
Third and final day..more exercises, more information about expressive art and we painted which was exhilerating (best part of the weekend). My painting i got soooo into it and didnt realize until i was done it represented where i am. apparently each training we are going to work on that one piece. im actually done with mine but we will see. oh and we have homework where we are supposed to partner up with someone and present on a modality. The teacher put the modalities in the middle and you know which one we and my partner got..."movement." my arc enemy. lol.
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| My painting (last day of training) |
i left the weekend feeling sooo much....and realizing i need to work on the movement piece not just for my project but seeing that i had so much resistance i need to explore. so funny thing...with meetup i barely remember what groups i signed up for. i havent done a meetup in a minute. I was combing through my emails while on the bus and one subject called out to me...its called journey dance? Have you heard of it? I'm doing it on Thursday. I also noticed this site i subscribed to called DailyOM..they have different inspirational messages and introduce me to different music i wouldnt normally know. well what i didnt know is they have courses where you can choose your dollar amount..from a 1.00 on up so i signed up for a creative experience with collage, cooking within the season, and i cant remember the last one...
I took a day off before returning to work after my weekend which im glad i did. i needed that down time..the processing time.
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| My drawing and free writing when i returned home |
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